Skidding out of control

While picking up Jacob from daycare he tells me "Mommy, I have skateboards in my underwear".
I asked him to clarify "skateboards? what do you mean?"
Jacob "skid marks"
Me "oh that's great, who told you that?"
Jacob "Miss Heather" (his teacher)
Apparantly he thought he crapped his pants and pointed to the stain in his underwear when Miss Heather told him, "no, you're okay Jacob, it's just a skid mark." He was satisfied with that response and was happy to tell everyone about his skid marks like it was a prize.

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So nice of you to notice

Jacob has a keen eye for details. Some would classify this as OCD, but I think everyone has OCD about something.
Jacob "Mommy, I love your shirt"
Me "Thank you hunny"
Jacob "Let me see your nails", looking at my nails "why is there no color?", then looks at my toes - "I like your toe nails, what color is that?"

Me "purple" - though I could have said Essie "big spender" and he would have probably remembered.

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Road rage

Jacob to me while driving in the car, "Mommy when I get big I'm going to drive and wave at other cars and say than you asshole".....oops

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Balls

Jacob was feverish on and off this past weekend and was coughing up a storm. One night when it was particularly high I wanted to know if he had any pain. I opened my mouth for him and said "AH" so he could see my tonsils and referred to them as "balls". I asked Jacob if anything hurt when he coughed and he said "yes, it hurts all the way back to my balls" while pointing to the back of his throat.

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Breakfast conversation

Me: "Jacob do you like your teachers at school?" Jacob: "Vaginas". Me: "No I said, do you like your teachers at school?" Jacob: "Girls have vaginas." Me: "That's right." Jacob: "And boys have penises." Me: "That's great honey, finish your cereal."

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Changing the toilet paper will not cause brain damage

6am I hear "Mommy, there's a brown thing in the bathroom!" Oh for the love of god why can't this kid actually get it IN the toilet? After debating with Ryan about who's turn it is to get out of bed, he was not even remotely interested in checking out the "brown thing" in the bathroom.

I get up, one eye open finding my way to the bathroom not wanting to see what present he had left for me. I asked Jacob what he was talking about and he says pointing "Mommy, the brown thing!" while pointing to the cardboard at the end of the toilet paper roll. Like the other man that lives in my house, he had NO idea what to do with the toilet paper roll.

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Following Freud - Part III

So apparently we've firmly entered the third phase of Freudian development.  While watching Thomas this morning I was distracted with Facebook only catching the tail-end of a comment.  "...moved my balls.".  So I looked around for some moved balls that I would inevitably have to retrieve from underneath the couch or other place unreachable.  But a quick survey showed no sign of balls so I asked him to repeat himself.  This time he stepped back on couch, hunkered over and said, "Daddy I moved my balls." which caused him to burst into a quick hysteric and a firm sac grab.

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