Prince Charming Marking hisTerritory

We live in a new sub-division so there are no fences between backyards yet. There were some young girls playing in the back yard wearing dress-up princess dresses, I think there was a Snow White and maybe a Cinderalla. Jacob walks up to the back door sporting a t-shirt and Thomas train undies and says “Mommy I need to go somewhere.” Me “Where do you need to go?” Jacob points outside “I need to go pee on the tree.”

Real smooth J-man… I’m sure the princesses-in-training would love to watch you relieve your bladder on the tree while they run around waiting for their prince to rescue them.

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Gummy Bears

Jacob as he's eating gummy bears goes up to Ryan and proudly states "daddy, this is yummy shit!"

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Lake Water Hydration

Driving up to the cottage I ask Jacob if he’s going to swim in the lake, here’s how the conversation goes:

Me “Jacob, are you going to go swimming in the lake?”

Jacob “I’m going to drink the lake”

Ryan “Fish shit in that water”

Jacob “Fish shit in the water???”

Ryan “That’s right, the water is yucky”

Jacob “It’ not yucky, it’s yummy!”

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Another Road-Side Attraction

Three hours into a long drive up North to the cottage and urgent little voice beckons from the backseat “I have to go poooooooo!!!!!!!!!!” Kids usually wait until they’re turtling to even entertain the thought of going to the bathroom so we pulled over to let him go on the side of the road.

This being the first time Jacob shat somewhere other than in the potty or in his pants made it pretty entertaining to begin with, so did the fact that he let the turd land on the gravel while standing completely erect. As he studied his work of art closely he exclaimed “look, corn got on my poo!”

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The Elusive Penis Donut

I know….WTF is a penis donut?

The first time Jacob threw this gem out there I had nothing to say. He was relieving himself on his froggy-potty while I was doing the same on the big potty. He points to my va-jay-jay and says “that’s your penis donut!” After a long pause, I had to ask him to repeat himself so I asked “what did you just say?” With a big smirk on his face like he had just said a bad word he repeated it “penis donut.” We ran through this scenario a few times and he never was able to disclose where he learned this lovely term.

Maybe he crafted the “penis donut” on his own, in which case we have a genius on our hands and should strongly reconsider an over-priced private school. Not for so-called superior education, but purely for the entertainment value when we get a phone call from his snotty teacher telling us he was pointing out the penis donuts of his uppity princess female classmates.

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Snuff My Kids Says

This blog is a daily journal of all the creative, colourful and lets be real, just plain off the wall shit my kid throws at me on a day to day basis.

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